Your problem is typical of a family who use the lobola system wrongly and care more about money than about their daughter's future. The lobola system can work well when it is applied correctly, but not when families are greedy or are desperate for money. These cases abuse a young woman's right to choose who she wants to marry.

But no matter how much you love this girl, I think you are too young to think of marriage, and I am pleased that you are planning to complete your 'O' levels first. I suggest you wait even longer.

In the meantime, your girlfriend is in danger of being forced into a marriage she does not want. You can support her by helping her to keep her independence. Try to find a member of her family - her elder brother or sister, or aunt or grandmother - and talk to them about what might be best for her. If they are sympathetic, they can back her up in future discussion with her parents. If there is still no positive reaction, your girlfriend could go to a woman's organisation or to the police for help, because it is everyone's right to decide who to marry. This would of course mean breaking relations with her family.

The situation is difficult, but I hope someone within your girlfriends' family will understand and help her.

Auntie Stella