Auntie Stella


Auntie Stella was produced by Training and Research Support Centre (Zimbabwe)
Box CY2720, Causeway, Harare, Zimbabwe
Phone: 263-4-795124

12. I pay for lunch , don’t I deserve sex?

Theme: Sex and relationships
Forced sex

Dear Themba

It’s difficult when people want different things from a relationship, and it seems that sex is more important to you than to your girlfriend. However, very few girls want to rush into sex. They are unhappy when boys treat them like property and expect to buy sex from them in return for gifts and money.

Many girls and boys prefer to avoid the problems that arise from having sex when you are still a teenager. They don’t want to be worrying about pregnancy, STIs and HIV so they choose to abstain until they are older.

Think about a good relationship – is it just a way to get sex, or do you want to be with a real friend who cares about you? If you want this kind of friendship and love you need to think about what your girlfriend wants. Don’t pressure her into having sex; she doesn’t want to.

Some people might still treat girls differently from boys, but attitudes are generally changing now. Boys and girls are treated as equals.  I hope you’ll have the courage to treat your girlfriend as your equal in the future and that you will be happy together.

Auntie Stella

Action Points

  • What do you think about Auntie Stella’s reply? Do you agree with what she said to Themba? If not, what is your advice?
  • Girls: Make a list of what boys should and shouldn’t do and say if they want good friendships with girls.

  • Boys: Make a list of what girls should and shouldn’t do and say if they want good friendships with boys.

  • Then find a group from the opposite sex. Swap your lists and study them. Get together in mixed groups and ask questions to find out more about what the others think.

  • Have a debate on one of the following topics:  – A girl should sleep with her boyfriend if he buys her things.

  • ‘Love without sex is like a garden without flowers’ Do you agree? – It is not okay to have sex before marriage.