Dear Sibongile

I’m sorry to hear your story. What your uncle did was very wrong. It is not your fault – he committed a crime and he must be stopped from doing this again.

Don’t be afraid – you must tell someone immediately. You cannot keep this a secret. Umntwana ongakhaliyo ufela embelekweni (keeping silent can destroy your life). Tell your parents, another relative or someone you trust. You need someone to advise and support you who will also help you go to the police and get other help.

Report the rape as soon as possible, preferably without washing or changing clothes in case the police want to take evidence.  Also, ask a health worker for protection from pregnancy (the ‘morning after’ pill). Some clinics also have post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) drugs which prevent HIV if taken within three days after the rape.

Rape is never the victim’s fault but there are ways for women to try to avoid it. Never walk alone (if you do, look confident and walk fast). Never, at any age, drink too much alcohol or smoke mbanje. If you like a boy, tell him firmly how far you want to go before you start romancing. If you are attacked, scream, kick, bite, hit or knee him between the legs – and try to get away.

Sibongile, I do hope you find the help you need.

Auntie Stella