Dear Josephine

Marrying young does often cause problems, because young people are still changing and they don’t yet know what they want from life. But you should know that many women these days are, like you, refusing to have sex with their husbands without using condoms. Many women are saying no to their husband’s unfaithfulness and no to getting HIV because of it.

You are brave to be tough with Thulani to protect yourself, especially since you have a young child to consider too. One option is for you to use a female condom. But you can’t go on like this forever. You both need to have a test. Talk to Thulani about it again. Be understanding about his fears. Is there anyone else who could encourage him to go for a test? If not, go to a testing centre for advice.

If Thulani still refuses, you will have to make some big decisions – about what is important to you and what to do next. Tell your husband what you are thinking and find out whether he wants to save your marriage. If you do stay together, this is a good opportunity to talk about what you each need from your marriage. Your family or a counsellor may be able to help.

Auntie Stella