Dear David

You are not alone. Many teenagers can’t communicate with their parents, especially about personal issues like sex and relationships. Parents need time to get used to the new person you are becoming, to understand and trust you as you question and learn and grow.

Try to understand that your parents care and worry about you, and want you to grow up safe, happy and successful. They remember from their own youth the temptations and dangers you face, and how easy it is to make mistakes. Life has become more scary since they were young, especially with AIDS. That’s why they go on about what you mustn’t do. Remember, they often have very good advice to offer.

You can improve your relationship with them. First, show them they can trust you. Keep to their rules. If you think they are unfair, talk to them about it. And listen when they advise you. Secondly, ask their opinions about your real problems. Tell them what you want from life too, so they’ll know you better.

Finally, always talk to them calmly and respectfully, never get angry or rude. If you start to lose your temper, suggest you talk later.

Keep trying – it’s well worth the effort. And if this still doesn’t work, talk to a teacher or a family friend.

Auntie Stella